Here’s the thing about women and desire: everyone seems to have an opinion about what turns us on. Yet, very few people actually nail it. So here’s some unsolicited advice — to whomever it may concern.
If a man really wants to get a woman’s attention, he might want to start by paying attention to her. No amount of heart-eyed emojis or the generic “You’re beautiful” — although, sure, we’re not going to complain about a well-timed compliment — will get a woman’s attention if it doesn’t come with intention.
It helps to notice something specific about her. Notice the way her mood shifts when she talks about something she loves. Remember the story she told you days, weeks, months, years ago. Make her laugh. Hold her gaze for just a second longer than necessary, then go about your business like you didn’t just leave a little thought in her head.
Confidence gets our attention. But so does a man who doesn’t need to prove he’s confident every five minutes. Please, guys, less is more sometimes.
There’s something incredibly attractive about a man who knows how to approach a woman without invading her space; a man who flirts without forcing it, and who shows organic interest.
And for the love of all that is good, have a personality.
Make natural conversation. Have an opinion — don’t simply mirror hers. Be curious. Make her wonder what else there is to discover about you. And then tell her more, if you sense she finds it interesting.
Sometimes the man who gets our attention isn’t the loudest man in the room. He’s the one who makes us forget to look at anyone else. There’s a turn-on.
And consistency? Super sexy.
That will get you further than a perfectly rehearsed pickup line ever could.
A woman notices when your attention feels intentional. When you follow through. When your interest doesn’t disappear the moment you realize she isn’t going to make it easy for you.
Sometimes, what turns her on is the way you remember that little thing she said three weeks ago. Sometimes it’s a slow kiss. Sometimes it’s confidence. Sometimes it’s vulnerability. Sometimes it’s a lingering look from across the room that says, I see you. Probably played in slow motion.
And sometimes, the sexiest thing of all is allowing her to have enough space to actually feel like herself.
Maybe what turns a woman on isn’t looking perfect, but making her feel wanted without feeling pressured. Maybe for us a turn-on looks like being able to laugh, flirt, fantasize, take the lead, change our minds. Maybe it’s the anticipation — that delicious little tension of not knowing exactly what happens next.
Maybe it’s feeling emotionally safe enough around you to let her guard down. Or simply being able to say what she likes without worrying about being judged for it. And trust me, society will judge us for our sexuality.
The truth is, there is no universal formula for woman desire. There’s no magic outfit, makeup technique, or perfectly rehearsed line that unlocks every woman.
And here’s another reminder: what turns one woman on may be completely different from what turns another woman on.
Perhaps that’s the point. Individuality. Discovering a woman’s unique desires is part of the fun. She feels seen when you learn her.
Some of us want to be desired, not just admired. There’s a difference between being told you’re beautiful and feeling like someone simply can’t take their eyes off you. One is flattering. The other is intimate.
And the latter can do something dangerous to us, especially when the person staring is someone we actually want to be desired by. Suddenly, that little look across the room feels like a mission accomplished.
We are aggressively, perpetually, and unnecessarily evaluated. By men. By magazines. By social media. By mirrors. By strangers. And sometimes, most brutally of all, by our own inner critic.
We learn to think about how we look before we think about how we feel. So gifting a woman a nice dress or a piece of lingerie so she can “feel pretty” for you isn’t necessarily going to cut it. It doesn’t work for all of us. In fact, sometimes it just adds another layer of pressure.
And pressure? Not exactly a turn-on, fellas.
Maybe that’s one of the things women want more of: not to be admired like a beautiful object, but to be desired as a complicated, fascinating, fully alive person. That turns her on.
Women sexuality isn’t about putting on a show, contrary to what the adult film industry might’ve taught you. For women, it is about being herself. Being present. Being curious. Being playful without judgement. Being bold enough to admit, even if only to herself: Yes. I want this.