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The Odds: Cosmic Significance
If you’ve lived past fifteen years of age on this planet (and, honestly, maybe even less than that), you’ve probably found yourself saying, “small world!” at some point because of a peculiar experience you went through. Whenever this thought pops up, I always remember these lines from the movie 500 Days of Summer: “…you can’t ascribe great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event. Coincidence, that’s all anything ever is, nothing more than coincidence… There are no miracles. There’s no such thing as fate. Nothing is meant to be.” While I find a lot of truth in those words, I also have my suspicions: why does the universe align some…
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Behind Every Wide Smile
Spending time with people I hadn’t seen in a while reminded me of how far humans would go to hide their pain. It reminded me of something I know too well. And that is that, often times, behind a wide happy smile hides a plethora of motives and secrets we would have never guessed or seen someone conceal for the sake of a ‘don’t worry, be happy’ face. Sad little stories that haven’t been, and probably never will be told. How much practice it took that person to make it seem and sound genuine. Willpower that’s shaking, an insecure body that’s balancing, a mind full of unanswered questions and wavering…
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The Crumbs They Call Affection
I ask myself today what’s changed? Heart beating with the same ache, People I’ve loved so long can’t reciprocate, And I settled for crumbs they call affection Given all my attention, dealt with their rejection; I understand it was f—ked up, in retrospection. Today I tried to numb the pain again, day by day, But how long ‘til I no longer feel this way? Heaven knows I tried, from the Milky Way and back Years have passed, but I keep falling into the crack And it’s here I stay, unsure if it’s in my brain Or if the efforts’ been all in vain, And it’s just a no-destination train. My…
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One More Night: Lies I Told Myself
I don’t know how or when it started the first time I told myself these lies, grown so tall it’s hard to find the truth hidden somewhere deep in the twisted roots. One more night, I kept saying. And then it was two…and three… and it seems now too infinite to count. How do I go back to the beginning? Possibly the only way to understand at which point in my history I was cornered and held captive. Maybe going back is the only way to get out of it while I can. But oh do I want to stay… Contradiction and masochism played a part; a code that’s been…
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And Just Like That, March
One morning, I blinked and reality wasn’t any longer. “Fourteen days,” I was told. An early Spring break…I couldn’t be mad about that. But just a little over the due Spring break and we’d all be back. Would it be like going back to normal? I was sure of that. Looking at a room full of confused little gazes and wobbly little hands waving on their way out, I wondered, too, “Is this how we say goodbye?” I missed them not. Sleeping in for days was the life. Mid-March led the way. Waking up alone every day soon made no sense. And so was a new calendar that had no…
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The Art of Being Ignored
Faceless. Like time itself, endless. Walking away from trouble until again it finds me. Words evaporate in the air, talking is pointless. To be ignored once deserves no merit. To be ignored twice is a warning sign. Be ignored seven times and it’s time to retract, back up, analyze. Just what are you doing standing by? Denial is a defense mechanism, but you can’t nurture it your whole life. I would know better, but I get no help from my fight-or-flight. At some point in the darkness of life you must acknowledge the facts, your unwelcomeness was clear you just never woke up. And yet you’re still here but now…
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The Feeling You Just Keep Feeding
What if I put it in colors, I said, staring at the hundreds of unused color pencils resting on my table. Actually, what if I put it in writing? But how can I put it; there’s no way to put it. I can’t make sense of, you know, that feeling that you just keep feeding, and which proper diet you can’t quite figure out. Some emotions are hard to express when you don’t even know what they mean. I wish everything was as easy as happiness and anger, which we can identify right away, apply logic and manage accordingly. But, oh no. Life is more complex than that, and that…
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Who TF Wants to Be Depressed? Lifing 101
While searching for inspiration, I came across a million great writing prompts. One of them, though, said: “Write about happiness.” I rolled my eyes. To be more accurate, that Robert Downey Jr. meme? That was me…for a good ten seconds. The truth is everyone wants to be happy. I mean, who TF wants to be all depressed? Come on! That’s life-ing 101. If you search the tag, it is probably one of the most popular posts on social media: #happiness. That’s because, again, everyone wants to be happy! Here’s the thing, you just CAN’T write about what happiness means to 7.7 billion humans. And, you certainly can’t tell someone to…
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Life Don’t Kill My Tempo
I’d close my hollow eyes and see nothing of what I’d dreamed would be true when awakened from this habit, imposed by life and by a body of which I’m no longer the commander. Wanting to wake up awake, chipper again, like the old times when no thoughts of any person, nor of the routine or of some sort of feelings or worries killed the tempo.
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How is a Story Born?
How is a story born? A story is born… When we do things we shouldn’t do. When you look at me the way you do. When he pays hush money for his sin. When the doctor calls about your skin. When you fall for me before her eyes. When despite the lies you have butterflies. When you quit your job and travel seas. When she’d die for you and you can’t see. When suddenly you have more mouths to feed. When friends get mad if you succeed. When your double life ends up on the front page. When everything you do seems to be an outrage. When they’re born rich…
