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Breathing is labor: one of those days
One of those days when the song on the radio brings back time and it stays and every shed tear, every far-off laughter returns like a ghost from a former chapter. One of those days when my mother’s voice in my memory sways; all her quiet wars, her calloused grace, still a warrior, her love I held dear yet too often misplaced. One of those days when no word you offer can alter my haze as I name myself a failure, a field gone dry, where seeds of dreams fell but forgot how to rise. One of those days when I’d welcome the arms that once dealt me pain for…
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When all else fails, move on
Why are life experiences so repetitive? That feeling when you know you’ve been there before, emotionally, and you already know what happens next. It’s so conflicting. It’s like you want to hit fast-forward to see if life surprises you this time. But it doesn’t. And you want to know what the (not so) funny thing about it is? You gained experienced the first time you were there, but somehow you still don’t know how to handle it; what the best course of action is, or what the process will be like. These are meant to be lessons, but I’ve learned nothing. What I’m referring to in this particular post is…
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The woman on the trolley
There’s this trolley I take. My rides are usually short, but when I’m on it, I see all kinds of people hop on and hop off — seemingly old, young, rich, poor… Not many of them make an impression on me. Most times I’m lost in my zone with my headphones on. Or maybe I’m looking out the window, impatient to get home. Other times, I notice. For different reasons, some people are hard to miss, like an elderly woman I saw today. I think I know why, but I still can’t explain all that went through my head. I felt this sadness quickly build up the more I looked…
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Erased
If I went away, would it even be noticed by anyone? If I stopped creating, would it even make a difference on this page? If I left today, would there even be anyone stopping their Sunday? If I said I wasn’t okay, would there even be anyone listening? If I erased everything, would there even be any empty space? If I screamed for help, would there even be anyone at the other end? Is this your case?
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When you’re not feeling like yourself
Very few things in the day-to-day can be as uncomfortable, even draining, as not feeling like yourself, especially when you’re typically the cheerleader. It’s a different kind of ache watching your inner light go off. The good news is that it is temporary. But in the meantime, what do you do? I’m guilty of saying things like, “do the things you love when not feeling like yourself and you’ll come right back.” But I’m realizing that it takes a little more work than that. It takes awareness, it takes patience, it takes acceptance. The circumstances and your surroundings can either help or intensify that feeling, so being aware of where…
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Better Than – Poem
I deserved better. better than those crumbs better than the lies you fed me about work at the epicenter of lock-down I deserved an explanation for her late-night calls and her gleaming smirk when little did I know you two still talked I deserved better than a one-day notice and a one-sided story about us I deserved better than meaningless words and your heart-eyed emojis in other girls’ inbox I deserved a conversation, to be looked into the eye day or night when we talked I deserved warmer hugs and, what were we, after all? I deserved an explanation about the things I was too innocent to be aware of…
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Growing Apart — in short
One day, you learn that life is just going to have a lot of inevitable turns. Then, it’ll take another day for you to accept that reality. Yet, another day comes when you realize that, after all, you’re as unprepared as you were before any of those turns happened, to anchor yourself. To expect, to anticipate such changes — which, if one is lucky, may not happen at all — is not the same as walking by them, through them despite the warning. Feeling the shift with every conversation, with every heartbeat, every memory…quietly fading away. You might not always notice when you’re growing apart from someone, but when you…
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22 Lessons I Learned from Heartbreak
I’ve learned that anyone you care about can crush you into pieces. I’ve learned that heartbreak doesn’t always have a sad face. I’ve learned that “it’ll pass” or “man up” / “woman up” won’t help the healing process. I’ve learned that society believes in rebounds and expects you to erase years of fond memories in a one night. I’ve learned that some people, particularly the heartbreakers, can move on really fast. I’ve learned that no matter how many articles you read about “what not to do when you’re heartbroken”, you’ll do it anyway. I’ve learned that you can look right into the heartbreakers’ eye with a brave face and effortlessly…
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Nobody Asks How You Are
Nobody asks how you are Because you checked in with your stories, you’re alive And your skin is glowing you must be fine and that last post of yours dope, fire, kiss, and hearts You smile a lot to be insane You’re in good shape Your limbs are moving Can’t be your strength Forget the validity of your struggles others have got it worse but thank your god you managed a week full week, now rejoice Work meetings Leisure travels People judging Razzle-dazzle But nobody asks you how you are when you barely managed a phone call before you choked When sleeping is a mystery to be solved When you…
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Another Reason (I Don’t Need)
I don’t need another reason to remember why I hide. I don’t need another reason to remind me why I chose this single life; that I’ve been running all this time. I don’t need another reason to question my choice or regret the detours I take when I hear your voice. I don’t need another reason to hate your indifference, or my senseless devotion and the inevitable effects of oxytocin. I don’t need another reason to fool my intelligence, to lie to my family, my friends, my readers, my own goddarn self who knows the truth deep in her heart. I don’t need another reason to prove me right; and…
