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Red flags we call fine
I wanted to write a reminder of reasons I walked away from you, to put shape to the silence that my actions always spoke through. Sometimes when it’s time to explain the why, I never quite play the part, my words fall short of the feeling so I let quiet rest in my heart. And that silence? It echoes louder than anything I could say or do, a punishment in stillness more honest than disagreeing with you. We were never meant to happen, that should’ve been my first sign; a red flag I held like a secret, saw it waving, then called it fine. I ignored it without reason, a…
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When life settings influence your inspiration
There was a time when a bird landing on one leg would prompt a pensive verse, when a drop sliding down a glass of iced water turned into an ocean under my magic pen, when an elderly couple holding hands summoned the avid poetess within. Today I stare at the fan. At a blank page, at empty walls that would’ve been filled with quotes and colorful visuals. An empty space used to send me searching for unique artistic expressions to grace the void that surrounds me today. My foggy brain and anxious hands can’t come to an agreement. But it’s about time an executive decision is made by, I’m afraid,…
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Time Wise
Some days are worth it. Some days you make the best of every passing minute, every hour. Sunset seems to be holding back, waiting for you to run your last errand before it’s pitch black outside. Some days, you’re running on your own time. Cursing out fast cars passing by, if you must, because they’re taking over your lane or the pedestrian side. And, you even have time for a good chitchat with friends before bedtime or for one more episode of that show you just won’t give up. But some days, it is like, BOOM! When did the sky go gray? And you wonder, where did my day go?…
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Bamboo bridge on fire
Some days I can’t articulate my thoughts. Call it “writer’s block” or whatever that feeling of feeling stuck is. I’ve started writing some lines approximately six times this week — four of them from today alone — and I just can’t find the connectors, the transitions, the right prepositions… I’ve lost my train of thought multiple times and I’m done trying to find it. But I still wanted to write. A month seems like an eternity when you rely on your words for stress relief. I’ve been too busy trying to escape hell while trying to eat and sleep right at the same time. Alas, I haven’t had much success…
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22 Lessons I Learned from Heartbreak
I’ve learned that anyone you care about can crush you into pieces. I’ve learned that heartbreak doesn’t always have a sad face. I’ve learned that “it’ll pass” or “man up” / “woman up” won’t help the healing process. I’ve learned that society believes in rebounds and expects you to erase years of fond memories in a one night. I’ve learned that some people, particularly the heartbreakers, can move on really fast. I’ve learned that no matter how many articles you read about “what not to do when you’re heartbroken”, you’ll do it anyway. I’ve learned that you can look right into the heartbreakers’ eye with a brave face and effortlessly…
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Phases
Looking at the round, bright moon above this night made me think about our own phases. When it blooms; when it’s full and in all its glory, hardly anyone would say it’s not a beautiful moon. Just like the moon, you have your stages. And, each one of them is special, and each one of them has its purpose, and each one of them is unique and beautiful. Works in progress work that way; they are for tweaking and learning. They’re ever changing and evolving and teaching everyone who witnesses the process. So, those days when you hopelessly tell yourself, yeah, but this WIP stage just never ends (and I…
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Mutual
You’re never too old to be unable to identify feelings, are you? You’re never too old to feel again the things that once felt new, when you were too young to understand that the phenomenon which bugged your stomach and fogged your mind and kept you up at night wasn’t at all lightning bolts; that it was coming from within you, something about chemistry and the heart? When you’re young they tell you, “One day you’ll understand your heart.” Bull crap. They forgot to tell you it’d be a lifelong deal bound to be repeated more than twice. Isn’t all this life experience supposed to make us wiser and, thus,…
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Major Things I Learned from my Mother
“What if Mother remarried? Would you accept it?” “No way, are you crazy?” It was more of a nod than spoken words; a fast nodding “NAH”. Unthinkable. Despicable. Unacceptable. What was so insulting or sacred about it? (Nothing.) Did Mother not deserve to be happy? (Of course she did.) But the thought of having an outsider in the house was distressing. I didn’t think for a second (maybe because I couldn’t articulate it) about her happiness. It was not my mother’s style, I much later learned. But there was my optimistic sister taking a poll — and I guess she thought it’d be a fantastic idea to ask a 12-year-old…
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Red Flags and All That Jazz
Sign language is an artistic way of communication that not all of us can interpret, nor master. Isn’t that the same reason that not all of us can read signs—as in, metaphorically? Red flags aren’t always red; green lights aren’t always green; and sore points aren’t even visible. Science says humans are at the top of the list for most intelligent creatures, but some animals have a better response and reaction time when they sense harm or fear. I get it. Things aren’t always clear. You need a voice to go along with that sign, don’t you? I regret to inform you that you’re on your own. The good news…
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Love Anyway
If love is going to destroy you regardless, honey, you might as well feel the rain AND the fire while you’re at it. The optimists say, “Love like you’ve never been hurt.” The pessimists, on the other hand, will tell you to proceed with caution, guard your heart, to avoid love at all cost… To be honest, that’s me, the latter. That’s been me one hundred percent of the time. No shame in the cynical game. It takes time to recover and rationalize what just happened; what you and your heart went through. But once you’re at a safe point in life again where (though you don’t necessarily trust a…
