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New gate, same solo me
I made my way to the airport just like I have in the past eight years — on my own. All alone. And I’d make my way to my final destination the same way. In the beginning of everything, I would get dropped off and picked up. I had so many eyes on me. I felt so supported and protected. It went on for a good while. It’s not like I couldn’t take myself to the airport because I always did when I had to. That was one of the easiest parts after moving away from family and friends — being independent, getting myself to places. But on days when…
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Led to wonder
On my nightstand rests a sharpie I’ve been using for reminders and as I picked it up this morning I saw next to it some warnings words that played with my head old laments, things you said I looked out the window and past memories flashed by as it often happens when I try to understand why too many a simple thing you could never clarify Instead chose to lead me on when you’d already moved on left me hanging one more time like a seasonal pastime Now my wandering mind sees I was foolishly blind how I ignored my devotion to a charlatan with no emotions and all the…
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Can love happen at first sight?
As I dived into some old files of mine (a writer’s continous journey), and at some point started searching by title, it came to my own attention that I haven’t written many verses on romantic love. My blog entries are more leaned toward the opposite; heartbreak. Granted, we all tend to write about what has shaped our hearts the most, so maybe that explains my “lack of love” in my writings department. And so I asked myself, have I really been let down that many times? Explains everything… While at the same time, not really. I haven’t been in love more than once — twice, perhaps, if we’re speaking truthfully.…
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Friends Now Gone Later
So much has been said about friendships, through personal anecdotes, quotes, proverbs, and entire books, that you think you know what a “real friend” should be and should act like. Some of those stories hold truth today, but I think it is something that you eventually learn on your own. Who is a friend? It’s funny how sometimes you befriend people in your childhood and, because you grew up with them, you think you owe one another loyalty and that your friendship is meant to be. But, sometimes, those people who watched you grow and were perhaps the first ones to learn all about your inclinations — your style, taste,…
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Replaceable (excerpt)
If they’re intimidated by the thorn, they don’t deserve the flower. It’s taken a lot of tears and a self-diagnosed clinical state of denial to reach this emotionally intelligent level. I’ve come to understand that you can have a heart of gold—the biggest, softest, and kindest of them all, and genuinely believe deep within your soul that you’re one of a kind and that you deserve fairness and all the best vibes. And, after you convince yourself that everyone else around you also thinks so, someone you actually care about will remind you that, nope, you’re not all that good stuff you thought you were. You’re replaceable. Even if your…
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The Real Ones
It hurts to admit when a friendship has run its course. But it hurts more to keep holding on. It’s been said over and over again, but the truth is it does. You keep feeding your expectations just to end up disappointed once again. There’s nothing quite as complicated as interpersonal relationships. It is said that we, humans, are the most intelligent species on this planet, but I remain skeptical. How can you explain the fact that some humans consciously destroy everything they “love”? And, what goes on in that brain of theirs at that point? It’s true that we all f–ck up. Some things are hard to rationalize, especially…
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22 Lessons I Learned from Heartbreak
I’ve learned that anyone you care about can crush you into pieces. I’ve learned that heartbreak doesn’t always have a sad face. I’ve learned that “it’ll pass” or “man up” / “woman up” won’t help the healing process. I’ve learned that society believes in rebounds and expects you to erase years of fond memories in a one night. I’ve learned that some people, particularly the heartbreakers, can move on really fast. I’ve learned that no matter how many articles you read about “what not to do when you’re heartbroken”, you’ll do it anyway. I’ve learned that you can look right into the heartbreakers’ eye with a brave face and effortlessly…
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Attachment at First Sight
I think love is bullsh*t. Once upon a time, I wrote a phrase that it’s now floating around somewhere in the Twitterverse, and on the site, and it essentially said not to write your life plans with champagne hangs. Well, here I am today, literally champagning my way through. I am champagne-saturated still from the New Year phase (such a twisted phase), telling you something that you probably already know anyways: and that is…LOVE is overrated. Okay, fine; it’s sweet and cute and the whole Disney’ed yards. But to quote our Sex & the City’s gal, Samantha Jones, “This love stuff is a motherphucker!” I have questions. Why does it…
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Fools or Selective Memory?
“May your walls come down for the right one” is a mantra of my own that I sometimes recite to friends who find it hard to open up to new relationships. But in reality, it’s a line born out of my own hesitations and my continuous struggle with letting my guard down. In my history, every time I try to let down my guard I’m reminded why I keep the security tight. Open up, and I’m betrayed. Get too comfortable, I’m met with disrespect. Profess my feelings, they don’t reciprocate… And they don’t realize it — that even though my heart hangs on my sleeve, it fights attachment and it’s…
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Dear Mr. Potential Ex Man
I knew it as soon as I got in the car. I knew you’d be a friendly chatty guy. “I’ll call you right back, I’ll call you right back,” you said to whomever was on the phone, hanging up at the speed of light. Then, you greeted me with all smiles and that line. “Tell your man you’ll text him back cause you gotta talk to your driver now.” When I heard you say those words, I could read through your game plan. My intuition might’ve failed me terribly at other living times of life, but not now. Most times, I know an interested man (and a player) when I…
