Over-reliability and vulnerability

This is not supposed to be a message of hope. Not exactly an optimistic thought either, nor the usual bullsh*t I write, rose-colored or blue, because psychology says I am my thoughts, and I want to remain eternally positive. Not that I oppose those, but this is, in reality, another review of a day in the life of an overly reliable over-thinker.

I was thinking the other day how we are constantly advised or reminded to use moderation in all things because too much or too little of anything isn’t a wise measurement. I for one happen to agree. I believe in balance. Except, it never occurred to me that the word moderation only seems to come up when we want to highlight negative habits. Drinking, for example?

Never have I ever heard anyone say, “Hey, you’re way too kind and too loving — take it down a notch!” or as in the case I’m trying to make here, “You’re too reliable — be a bit unsteady, unstable, and irresponsible for once!” Never have I ever… It seems that the more of those positive qualities you show, the better for a particular group of people who always benefits the most.

Through personal experience, I keep learning that being too much of a good thing actually gives way for vulnerability. It is okay to be vulnerable. It is even necessary. But too much vulnerability makes you more susceptible to emotional damage. I would know… I try to practice moderation with this one, but when you’re yourself, oftentimes, you forget the script. That’s okay, too, but just keep in mind the possible consequences you may find.

On that same note, in recent history, I’ve found out that being too reliable leaves you open to different sorts of abuse. I live by my own words; that if you want to be able to count on people, you have to make sure people can count on you. And because I embody this very phrase, I find myself trapped in situations I can’t seem to get out of. I’m always that person taking on more roles than I should, even when my plate is full. But my vision is clearing and changing, and I am seeing where this is all leading to. I am learning (the hard way) that this (positive) behavior is a double-edged sword — and for this matter, boundaries are my best friend.

Is it okay to be too much of a good thing? I think it all depends. To yourself, I think, always; to others, better have some fair rules in place! This is when moderation comes to play.

When in doubt, remember that Stoic philosophy: “Do no harm; take no sh*t.” You have control of the situation. If you want to lay it out clearly and simply that you’re a reliable person, but under certain circumstances and conditions, then you must say so. You’ve got to let them know. If you’re a yes person, perhaps it’s time to start dropping some no every now and then, for a healthy nervous system’s sake. Nowhere have I seen telepathy work here when communicating these feelings. In one way or another, learn how to let people know when and why you’ll be available to them — if at all.