Fall-out: the softest petal in the bush

I watched us talk about others who’d broken up, saying how that would never be us. I thought, how immature is it to stop talking just because it’s over. That is still my thought.

Unresolved differences was almost never enough reason in my eye to stop talking to anyone. Even in my emotional unintelligence era — when my ego made me believe I couldn’t relate to erring, when I was quick to jump to conclusions, when I wasn’t able to address my own emotions — I still didn’t know how to erase a long-standing interpersonal relationship. I tried it once or twice, but I didn’t perform too well. I’m awful at faking it.

I’ve realized that at some point, I was okay staying friends with people who did me wrong. And, only up until recent history, I didn’t understand why. I do now: I didn’t have any boundaries. I have always been the softest petal in the bush, so not having my feelings reciprocated always affected me a ton. It still does, but my views have slightly changed. I can be disappointed and receptive at the same time. Self-awareness can be a bit hellish, yet still a beautiful journey.

Am I okay with seeing the essence of a once-beautiful friendship evaporate over time? No. I still struggle with those sort of things. But have I come to accept and understand that it is part of the circle of life, of the life cycle? Yes… yes, I do. After I drown in my nostalgia and gloom, and my wishes for a better ending — I do. It is a natural process, I think. Sure, I sometimes wish life would’ve gifted me with a more solid spot for a heart, but it is what it is. As the song goes, “my softness is my superpower.”

I once wrote about how pure it was that some people could remain friends after a breakup. I believed truly that it was possible, but now I know I might’ve been quick to think so, and naive. I now know that’s a two-way road. Everyone has to be on board, or else it can’t be done.

And not to quote any more songs, but the fact that we don’t talk anymore is probably another sign from the universe that I needed to open my eyes; a sign showing me how dispensable I was, and that I ended up making the right choice after all.