Eat a Sandwich! — and Other Commands

“You’re skinny as a dog,” my classmate, Jess, said to me once in high school. That’s my earliest recollection of anyone ever bringing my own weight to my attention as an attempt to offend me. Although I found her dog analogy a bit unfitting, I knew what she meant. But looking back, I also realize those were actually some of my “fuller” years. I wasn’t over or underweight, I remember. I just appeared thinner next to them.

Every now and then, I would get confused when people called me “la flaca” because I didn’t even see myself that way; skinny. And on other occasions, I would be oblivious of the fact that when someone called me that or told me to eat a sandwich, they were actually body-shaming me. Sometimes they joked; other times their intentions were clear — as would be the case with a coworker years later.

I worked at a retail store and I had a couple of Exes working with me. Fun fact, actually: I worked with two couples who were exes at that time and one of the guys — the one I’m about to talk about here — was the ex of TWO of the girls that I worked with. (Yes, that job was a telenovela.) Anyway, his recent ex-girlfriend was a, what do they call it these days, curvy (?)African and Caucasian girl, who had beautiful green eyes and a pretty smile, but her good looks still weren’t enough to make her likeable. She rolled her eyes more times than she breathed and she was rude to almost everyone…but me. Well, that was until her ex-man started talking to me.

I lost count of all the times she told me to eat a sandwich after that. Since she said it playfully, I always took it as a joke. One day, though, I realized what was happening. Her Ex had been openly flirting with me. He would come out of his cave, the tech department, and go to the front of the store to talk to me. He asked me out one day…in front of her, when I had no idea they were exes. So the next day, the girl approached me and started making random conversations. I thought, hmm, Rashida is being rather friendly today. But then, knowingly or not, she revealed her motive.

“Was Ray hitting on you?” she asked in a calm friendly voice.
“I think so.”
“He’s my ex. And by the way,” she said, “he’s just talking to you to make me jealous, he doesn’t like skinny girls.”
Ouch?!

She obviously had an issue with the fact that, by social standards, I was in better shape than her and by the thought that her ex-boyfriend could potentially be interested in me. Clearly, it bothered her to the point where she felt she had to insult my looks. She deliberately tried to make me feel physically inadequate.

He — a tall chubby man — wasn’t my type either, but I would never have said that to her for no reason (although maybe I should’ve). I doubt Ray would’ve walked away if I had accepted his invitation to go out. But if what she said was true, he would’ve been happy to find out that the jealousy trick worked for him.

The point here is it’s not just overweight people who are constantly body-shamed. We, the thin society, are portrayed as “goals” by weight loss programs while at the same time are told to “put on some weight.” There’s no ideal weight, you see, so don’t be pressured by popular opinions. Everyone should be aware that just as some people can’t lose a pound, some of us have a really hard time gaining one. It’s called having a fast metabolism — welcome to my world.

If I knew then what I know now about my body, I would’ve probably told Jess to mind her own business because it wasn’t so much something I had control over; I would’ve told Rashida that I had eaten enough sandwiches, but would gladly accept another one if she bought it for me. Maybe their comments hit a nerve then, but personally, comments about my body don’t offend me now. You have to build thick skin and a sense of humor to survive in today’s societies.

However, not everybody is built this way. Each person has their reason to be “fat” or skinny. They might even be suffering from a health condition or taking medication that makes them look that way, you never know. So don’t ever assume a person’s body frame is the result of their eating habit. We all come in different shapes. Once you understand that, you shall accept.