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Replaceable (excerpt)
If they’re intimidated by the thorn, they don’t deserve the flower. It’s taken a lot of tears and a self-diagnosed clinical state of denial to reach this emotionally intelligent level. I’ve come to understand that you can have a heart of gold—the biggest, softest, and kindest of them all, and genuinely believe deep within your soul that you’re one of a kind and that you deserve fairness and all the best vibes. And, after you convince yourself that everyone else around you also thinks so, someone you actually care about will remind you that, nope, you’re not all that good stuff you thought you were. You’re replaceable. Even if your…
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Peace on Earth is the Only Way
I will never truly understand politics. I will never truly understand greed. I will never really understand WHY people standing on the same soil, separated only by an INVISIBLE line, would choose money, pride, and blind loyalty over humanity. I haven’t lived long enough to see all of the world’s atrocities, but I’ve seen enough to understand how repeated history gone bad can be. It always baffles me that these “intelligent” leaders deliberately choose the “doom” way for themselves. There’s no coming back from that, mate. And for all of us, the people on the ground—the same applies. Help your fellow human. We are all we’ve got…please. I guess I…
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Here’s to You, Alone for the Holidays
The year was…it doesn’t matter. I just remember it was cold and lonely in a lively city that was supposed to be warmer than what I was used to. I asked the few new friends I’d made if they knew of any shelter looking for volunteers for Thanksgiving. Once I realized I was asking the wrong people, I searched online and came back with a few options, but they were already booked. Wait, what? Booked? There was such a thing, believe it or not. It was a bummer. Conversely, for my future reference, that year I learned that you can’t just show up at a shelter and feed the homeless.…
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Some People: A Poem
Some people love so hard the first time they don’t know how to do it twice. Some people are hard on themselves but soft on whom don’t treat them right. Some people laugh when they mean to cry. Some people go to church to seem nice when they’re rotten inside. Some people can’t let go of some people who broke their heart. Some people can move on the next day and be all right. Some people stay a little longer even if it rips them apart. Some people come and go like the seasons. Some people hate goodbyes of wrong reasons. Some people let age dictate what they should feel.…
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Why Instagram Safety Tools are a Joke
I’m sitting here going between my keyboard and my turmeric tea, wondering where to begin. Sip. Type. Backspace. Sip. Type. Backspace… The thing is somebody created an account on Instagram pretending to be me in order to sell sex products. That’s right; somebody out there — who either hates me or has nothing better to do with their time (or both) — is impersonating me online. Okay, maybe I should start from the beginning. Last week, as I soon as I opened my eyes, I got an Instagram message notification. It was from someone who I think has never messaged me out of nowhere before, so, naturally, I opened it…
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Doubts and Sadness Walk Into a Bar
And by the time doubts and sadness came back out, you had your groove back. It’s all about the spirits you pour in it. Here’s the thing, I’m an emotional star. My light is bright and bright it shines, even when enfolded in doubts. It’s a contradiction how I find solace in solitude. Or so I swear by. Nobody but myself can put me together. Drop me in the desert and I’ll survive. Though some days I’ll cry out for company, I know I’ll survive. Sometimes I’m just mad that everything stays but nothing lasts. Or is it sad that I am? Mad and sad; sad and mad. Don’t try…
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Some Men
Dedicated to the men who want to have them all and commit to none Too shallow to put a woman first, some men never grow up, making us feel cursed, when it’s because of them we hurt. “Mormonin’ it” all the way, some like to pretend it’s okay to mate a dozen roses for the eternities while you, women, can’t. Some men are scared to seize the day with the one who’s always been by their side; the one who’s cried and tried to make things right; their true ride or die. Some men want to have them all, act like they’re single when they have one at home. And…
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Stories that Remain Untold
“You miss him?” I tell them not, can’t miss what you never had. Never had a father figure, but never mind, mom was stricter in my childhood the only victor. Can’t put him anywhere in the picture of a now damaged structure that once could’ve been salvaged if our relationship hadn’t been ravaged by neglect and mismanage. Now I question my mistrust in love or lust, can commit but disconnect because I know I’ll end up crushed. Can show affection if a special connection awakens my elation, but for my heart protection shut down at the sense of rejection. Deep in this black hole that is my mind and soul…
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Somebody Rev Up His Engine
The car smelled like bad news as soon as I stepped in. I would credit my intuition, but it was more like something I’ve learned from experience combined with statistics — the fact that, when it comes to this transportation service, the ratings don’t lie. I found comfort in knowing that it’d be a short ride, though. Then, about three minutes later (it must’ve been three minutes or less into our trip), as he pulled up to an intersection, the car just shut off. Face buried in my phone I only looked up because he said: “Uh oh.” “Is everything okay?” I asked. To which, very nonchalantly he responded, “We…might…
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2020 Resentment and Gratitude
Like every year, we do a little reflection on the year that just went by. But like no other year, that I know of, this year gave us a little extra to think about, learn, be thankful for, perhaps regret, and even love. Here are some of the things that I learned and resented this year. I found out that it ain’t true, that your heart can’t break when it wasn’t whole to begin with, because the fragments, every broken piece multiplies, actually. I learned about the agony that sprouts out of a rootless relationship; out of missing something that just isn’t there, that never was, and won’t ever be.…
