I don’t know how or when it started the first time I told myself these lies, grown so tall it’s hard to find the truth hidden somewhere deep in the twisted roots. One more night, I kept saying. And then it was two…and three… and it seems now too infinite to count. How do I go back to the beginning? Possibly the only way to understand at which point in my history I was cornered and held captive. Maybe going back is the only way to get out of it while I can. But oh do I want to stay… Contradiction and masochism played a part; a code that’s been…