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My Tree: Inside the Heartwood
Like a genealogical tree, I tried to map my attachment history and came back with a treasure chest, only that instead of gold it was filled with regrets, things I already knew; truths that are hard to digest. On a twig, I saw a reason to trace back to larger boughs. And when I reached the boughs, it made me question if they really grew out of the same trunk I’ve known. So I slid down the bark and made it inside the heartwood. There, I saw the pattern. It all looked the same. An infinite circle that mirrored itself with every new coat. Layer by layer, the stories looked…
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Attachment at First Sight
I think love is bullsh*t. Once upon a time, I wrote a phrase that it’s now floating around somewhere in the Twitterverse, and on the site, and it essentially said not to write your life plans with champagne hangs. Well, here I am today, literally champagning my way through. I am champagne-saturated still from the New Year phase (such a twisted phase), telling you something that you probably already know anyways: and that is…LOVE is overrated. Okay, fine; it’s sweet and cute and the whole Disney’ed yards. But to quote our Sex & the City’s gal, Samantha Jones, “This love stuff is a motherphucker!” I have questions. Why does it…
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Stories that Remain Untold
“You miss him?” I tell them not, can’t miss what you never had. Never had a father figure, but never mind, mom was stricter in my childhood the only victor. Can’t put him anywhere in the picture of a now damaged structure that once could’ve been salvaged if our relationship hadn’t been ravaged by neglect and mismanage. Now I question my mistrust in love or lust, can commit but disconnect because I know I’ll end up crushed. Can show affection if a special connection awakens my elation, but for my heart protection shut down at the sense of rejection. Deep in this black hole that is my mind and soul…
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Attachment
The dance was only the beginning, they soon learned.
